


Dear Toru Oikawa... || Dear Mr.Refreshing...

by oisuga_sokoku_bokuaka_surpremacy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Exchange 2017, M/M, Rare Pairings, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oisuga_sokoku_bokuaka_surpremacy/pseuds/oisuga_sokoku_bokuaka_surpremacy
Summary: Oikawa and Sugawara don't know where they stand in their relationship. They know nothing about each other yet they're willing to do anything for each other. While Sugawara is suffering with his diagnosis Oikawa wants to be there for him before he runs out of time. Will time be on their side?An Oisiga Angst Fanfiction that no one wanted but I needed because I'm going through stuff.
Relationships: OiSuga - Relationship
Comments: 21
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic and I hope you guys enjoy! It'll be chapters so that's cool. Did I cry when making this...yeah.... This is also on wattpad with the same name! My user is Lalalemon8!!

Oikawa and Sugawara had been spending a lot of time together lately.

No one said much about it since they couldn’t be bothered to talk to them about it. They met in their first year while Suga was just riding his bike. Oikawa was boasting as always but Suga wasn’t so annoyed by it (Just a little). They continued to bump into each other until Oikawa finally got the courage to ask Suga to hang out. Sugawara’s response was a bit surprising to Oikawa.

“Maybe later I have….things to do…”

Oikawa thought he had maybe overstepped his boundary, seeing that he wasn’t even sure if they were friends. He didn’t even think they were acquaintances. He laughed it off as he was a bit embarrassed that he even asked but he wasn’t going to admit that, obviously. Sugawara laughed along with him and said his goodbye before riding off into the distance. 

That response kept Oikawa up that same night. ‘Maybe later.. I have things to do.” What things? Suga didn’t seem like a very busy person. Maybe Suga just didn’t like Oikawa. Maybe he was being fake? Nah….Suga had been a bit too nice for him to be fake.

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“Hey Mr. Refreshing!” Oikawa had teased. Sugawara turned his head and chuckled as he got off his bike and walked next to Oikawa with it. “What’s with you calling me that all the time?” Oikawa let out a small chuckle and shrugged. “It’s a way to describe you in just 2 words.” Suga rolled his eyes, letting out another chuckle. He did that a lot. It didn’t bother Oikawa much. Well, nothing that Suga did bothered Oikawa at most. 

“So, what are your plans after graduation?” Oikawa asked. "I’m not sure.." Suga would soon reply. "I know I want to go to college but I’m not really sure what for. What would you want to do?" Oikawa hadn’t expected such a question. He hadn’t thought of it either but, seeing Suga’s soft expression made him want to answer quickly. “V-Volleyball- Yep...volleyball.” He internally smacked himself after blurting out his statement. _Volleyball….what a basic answer_ Oikawa soon thought to himself. Once he turned around he saw Suga’s expression turn into a small smile.

“Volleyball eh? Why Volleyball?” Suga asked

“..Well Volleyball...is something I enjoy and it’s something I want to get better at.”

“I guess that’s a good reason….”

“Yeah...mhm..”

The rest of their walk was silent as Oikawa scolded himself for not being prepared for the question, but he also thought about it a bit. What do I want to do after I graduate? To Oikawa it seemed like Mr. Refreshing would have his future planned out in no time. Somehow Suga was able to lighten the feeling of stress that came over Oikawa after thinking about his future. That’s what Oikawa liked most about Mr. Refreshing.

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“Lazykawa! Hurry up!” Iwaizumi angrily shouted.

Taking his bag and fixing his uniform tie, Oikawa jogged over to Iwaizumi after cleaning the classroom. He pouted and crossed his arms. “You’re so mean Iwa-chan.” Oikawa would nag. “Whatever…” Oikawa dragged along with Iwa as he was lost in thought. He hadn’t seen Sugawara that morning, as a matter a fact, he hadn’t seen him for the past couple mornings. Obviously, he was worried about Mr.Refreshing. 

‘Iwa-chan. I’m going to stop by the store first so you can go on without me.’

“Crappykawa wh-” Before Iwaizumi could finish his question, Oikawa was already off. Once he got to the store he picked up a Choco Banana. It wasn’t much but it was something he could stomach for now. The hungry boy made his way to the cashier and noticed someone in front of him. He didn’t pay any mind to it at first until he looked up from the ground and saw the grey colored hair in front of him and chuckled to himself before tapping the person's shoulder. 

The grey haired figure jumped and quickly turned his head around with a slightly scared expression. “So it is the O’ great Mr. Refreshing!” Oikawa teased. He saw Sugawara’s expression soften before he proceeded to shove Oikawa and laugh. 

“You scared me.” Suga muttered. Sugawara muttered a lot lately. He was really different lately. His hair was usually pretty neat and now it’s messy, he would see Oikawa every morning but for the past week he hasn’t. He was always a bit chaotic but now he’s more relaxed. Oikawa was questioning if they were friends or not. He had never invited Suga over to his house nor had he taken him out anywhere. 

“Oh really now? I didn’t take you as the type of person to get scared so easily.” He replied with a smirk on his face. “I don’t. Not normally anyway…” Sugawara’s eyes had bags under them, heavy ones. “Hey...Suga, I was wondering if you would like to hang out sometime?” Oikawa looked at Suga as he paid for his food with a bit of hope that he would say yes. The grey ball of sunshine thought to himself for a while before sighing and looking back at Oikawa. “Sure, why not.”

Oikawa had a feeling Suga would say yes. He just… didn’t think he would say yes. “Great! Meet me at Aobayama Park at 7 pm sharp!” Oikawa smiled and waved as he quickly ran out the store after he finished paying. Sugawara was left in there feeling a bit uneasy. 

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Sugawara was a bit nervous. He didn’t usually go out with anyone except for Daichi and Asahi ever since he was diagnosed. 

“Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) it seems...Stage 2…” the doctor said.

That diagnoses stung. It stung hard. He was going into his first year with this sickness. He never thought that he of all people would ever hear him being diagnosed. 

When he bumped into Oikawa at the store he tried to quietly clear his throat. He didn’t want him to know anything. He valued him as a friend. A friend who only knew about him being happy and healthy. 

He sat down and kept coughing into his arm, it was annoying at this point. Suga wanted to enjoy his Autumn since it was his favorite season. Autumn and Winter. Autumn and Winter were when he didn’t cough as much since his allergies didn’t exacerbate the symptoms of his disease. 

“Suga!!” Sugawara turned his head around like he had been slapped and saw the person that was calling and relaxed. “Sugaaaaaaa!!” Oikawa shouted a second time. He was so dramatic. Once he reached over to a tired Suga, he placed a bag between the 2 of them and smiled. 

“You’re late.” Sugawara shoved Oikawa’s side jokingly and cleared his throat.

“I was getting things! Don’t be like that Mr. Refreshing.” Oikawa then dug into the bag and pulled out 2 Choco Bananas. 

Choco Bananas tasted so good to Suga… “Only sweets? Too much of those aren’t good for you. Especially with all that Volleyball you play.” Suga would nag. “I didn’t only get that! I’m not entirely unbalanced!” Oikawa then pulled out a small food carton and opened it revealing something that would make Sugawara ecstatic, Mapo Tofu.

Sugawara almost fell out of his seat and snatched the plate of food, taking the chop sticks from the bag. “How did you know?!” “You talked about it once...I thought it would be a nice gesture.” Oikawa chuckled. By this time Sugawara’s face was stuffed like a chipmunk with nuts in their cheeks and he was enjoying his meal. “Fuinkfyofworfafwad” Oikawa rolled his eyes and opened his Choco Banana. “No problem Mr. Refreshing. . .” 

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Eating with Oikawa has probably been one of the best things Suga had done in a while. Sugawara had trouble eating since his throat would hurt from all the coughing he would do. Yet, it seemed as if Oikawa made it easier for him to swallow. They shared Choco Bananas together and talked about high school. Sugawara never mentioned anything about his illness, he could never tell Oikawa about his illness. He didn’t want him to worry. 

Sugawara had just finished Volleyball practice with the guys. Daichi didn’t let him play much so it wouldn’t take a strain on his chest. He soon asked to be excused to the bathroom and he started to wheeze. A lot. Too much. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw how red his face was, the heavy bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he was getting, and the tears that were so close to falling.

Crying is something Sugawara didn’t have an issue with. He wasn’t too embarrassed about it either, but in this situation it was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn’t want to let the illness he had get to him. He wanted the pain and suffering to stop. He wanted to have a full night of rest and not wake up because he had a cough attack. He wanted to play Volleyball as much as he desired. He wanted to be with his friends. He wanted to try and become closer to Oikawa. He wanted to be normal. 

Tired and sick, the grey haired boy lugged back to the gymnasium. 

“Suga! Suga! Suga!” Hinata jumped up and down as he made his way to Sugawara. 

“You took some time in there...why didn’t you hurry up?” Kageyama would pester.

“I was just-”

“Lay off Kageyama…” Daichi interrupted. 

Daichi could definitely be scary sometimes but he was extra protective of Sugawara. You could tell why. 

“It’s fine Daichi...I shouldn’t be so slow when using the bathroom. I’ll hurry up next time. Suga’s soft hand touched Daichi’s shoulder as he gave him a warm smile. 

Daichi sighed and glared at Kageyama before walking away. Suga could tell Daichi was a bit upset but he didn’t want him to be. Sugawara Koshi was normal. There was no reason to be protective of him. 

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Knock! Knock! Knock! 

That woke Toru right up. _Who is here in the middle of the night? Iwa maybe? But it’s raining!_ Oikawa got up from the couch which he fell asleep on while studying. Once he got to the door he looked through the peep hole to find a pair of hazel-brown eyes and messy grey hair right outside his door. Sugawara?! He flung open the door and looked at Suga in complete shock. 

“Suga- How did you-”

“Hey Oikawa!” Well thanks for interrupting me.. Oikawa thought.

“I-I was just…..passing by..heh…” 

How did he even get my address..? Oikawa wondered “Come in you must be cold and you’re soaked!” 

He led the wet and shivering boy inside, his hands felt cold and they were frail when he touched them so he could pull him in. The bags under his eyes were much heavier than when he saw him at the store. His neck looked red and he coughed an awful lot from just getting to the couch.

“Suga...you look sick.. Did you catch a cold? Do you feel feverish?” Oikawa asked with a look of worry and concern plastered all over his face. 

“Feverish?!…No, Um- I have to tell you something…” Sugawara said, sounding a bit nervous. “It’s important.”

“So important that you had to wake me up in the middle of the night…?” Oikawa said bluntly. 

Suga sighed and coughed into his arm again. “And what’s with all the coughing?” Oikawa was slightly annoyed since it was late and he didn’t like secrets. Maybe he shouldn’t be so concerned since they weren’t even that close as it seemed. 

Suga sniffled before speaking, “I value you as a friend.” Or maybe they were as close as it seemed. “I wish I could tell you everything but I can’t. I mean I-I can I just don’t want to…” Sugawara put his frail hand on the back of his neck, looking down as he spoke.

Oikawa was confused. What was Sugawara trying to tell him?

Before Oikawa could complete his thought he glanced over at Suga who all of a sudden didn’t look too well. “Suga, are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good….How is it that you look like you lost 10 pounds overnight?” Sugawara wheezed and then took out a tissue to cough in. “. . .Suga what are you not telling me..?” Suga had tears in his eyes and then looked up at Oikawa. “COPD...I have COPD…” 

What was this feeling…? Oikawa barely knew Suga yet it seemed like he was just shot in his chest. 

“There i-is a cure...right?” Oikawa barely breathed. 

“No...but-” Suga sat down on the couch and held his head, coughing up a storm. Oikawa’s world had just been crushed but he had to put his feelings aside for Suga. 

Oikawa rushed to Sugawara’s side and put his hand on his shoulder, trying to gather his thoughts. “S-Suga are you okay? Do you need a hospital? Please let me help you!”

The grey haired boy was suffering. Oikawa could see it. Yet, he couldn’t do anything at all to stop it. He would never be able to. The boy with the soft expression had a look of self-hatred and pain in his eyes. The boy who was once positive, supportive, chaotic, and cheerful was now in much unwanted agony. Oikawa couldn’t see his agony anymore, for Suga had closed his eyes. 

Mr. Refreshing looked far from refreshed. 

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Am I dead…? Suga thought as he slightly opened his eyes to see a sharp bright light. He could hear his shaky and troubled breathing as a faint echo. Heh...I don’t have to deal with this anymore. I can cry and no one would hear me. I can peacefully drown. I can d- 

“Stage 4...unfortunately…” A male voice said in a hushed voice. 

“I-I thought it was still stage 2.” A female voice responded back. 

Huh….am I not dead? “Miss, it seems as if your son hasn’t been taking his medication.” The male voice said.

Right, I hate that medication. I can never swallow any of the pills…

Sugawara felt numb and his chest felt heavy, feeling the warm sun on his face. Whenever he took a breath there was a light crackling sound that came from his throat. Had he really let it get this bad? 

Sugawara soon felt a warm hand on his cheek. It was comforting to him. 

“Koshi…” a soft voice whispered. 

Sugawara recognized that voice. The voice that shouted at him from all the way across the snow covered park. Oikawa. 

Suga was too tired to open his eyes so he just formed a small smile on his face. He heard a soft chuckle escape from Oikawa’s mouth. 

“You’re a brat Oikawa.” Suga said in a sarcastic whisper. 

Oikawa dramatically gasped and then pouted, whining. “Koshi-kun, how could you?” 

Mr. Refreshing was then greeted by the feeling of a warm body next to his own. 

_Okay then, I guess get comfortable._

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Oikawa fixed his eyes on Suga and his heart felt heavy. Hearing his labored breathing was hard enough. He just wanted more time. 

“Thinking?” Sugawara said with a subtle grin. 

“Not really.” Oikawa responded. 

Sugawara turned to lay on his side, meeting Oikawa’s gaze. He took the tissue in his hand and coughed into it, a bit of mucus being visible to Oikawa as he wiped his mouth. “I’m sorry…” Suga muttered. 

“For what?” Toru said before raising his eyebrow. 

“I didn’t tell you earlier. Now you’re here wasting your time on me because I didn’t take care of myself.” 

“Koshi-kun, don’t be so hard on yourself… You’re going through a lot and-”  
  
“I’m going to die.” 

The tension that they suddenly felt in the room was thick enough to cut through with a knife. Suga would eventually pass away. Oikawa knew it. Suga knew it. They just never addressed it. 

The room stayed silent and Oikawa started to play with Suga’s usual soft hair as he heard the muffled sobs coming from him. He knew that it wouldn’t be useful saying everything was okay because it wasn’t. Having an incurable sickness is far from okay. Oikawa felt useless in this matter. 

Suga soon quieted down and stayed in his position, too tired to move. 

“I know whatever I say won’t help…” Oikawa started “...but I care about you even if we don’t know much about each other.” 

Sugawara stayed silent. 

“Koshi-kun I…” Oikawa looked down at him and saw that he was asleep. 

“I want to be your friend Koshi-kun. Not just the boy you walk to school with.”   
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Sugawara woke up with dried tears on his face. Once he looked down he saw a pillow in his arms. Oikawa must have left. 

The poor boy sat up still looking down at the pillow, wishing it was Oikawa instead. Soon he felt a sharp feeling in his chest and winced in immense pain. It took him a while to finally calm himself down and look up, finding Oikawa still asleep in a chair across the room. Sugawara rubbed his eye and stared at Oikawa, admiring his face. 

Was it creepy? Probably. Yet he couldn’t stop. He just felt really lucky and a bit guilty. Toru chose to be here with Suga instead of with his other friends Suga would never meet. 

_He’s a dork_. Suga thought. _He’s an annoying brat who whines all the time and he’s selfish as hell. Yet he’s the one who invited me to go out with him. He is the one who always shares his food when we walk to school. He takes all the action._

Sugawara then looked at the Choco Banana wrapper on the nightstand which they shared a bit earlier. _God he’s loyal. So very loyal._

After thinking for a couple of minutes, Suga reached for his bag and took out a piece of paper and pencil and started writing. 

_Dear Toru Oikawa…._

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My first time writing fan fiction so I hope it goes well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter, I will be continuing this series for a little while don't worry :)

About a week had passed since Oikawa last saw Suga. He wanted to go back and make sure he was ok. He wasn't able to contact him which left him paranoid that whole week. He couldn’t even focus in class. _God Toru, you're such a wimp. You can't get a stupid number. Not even an email address!_

"Loserkawa, what's on your mind?" Iwaizumi said, interrupting Oikawa's thought.

"Iwa...there is this guy-"

"What other guy would want to talk to you?"

Oikawa stammered, blinking a couple times.

"I'm joking. Now what is it about this guy again?" Iwaizumi chuckled.

"He's a friend- Well- Kind of like a friend- We slept in the same bed so I guess we are? Then again I know nothing about-”

A hand then greeted Oikawa’s lips. He turned to see Iwaizumi with a scowl before avoiding his gaze. Iwaizumi wasn’t upset with Oikawa but he hated when he rambled about nothing.  
“I’m just going to sum this up from what I’ve heard.” Iwaizumi stated as he placed his hand back onto his khaki pants. “You met this guy.”

“Uh-huh.” Oikawa responded while nodding.

“Slept in the same bed as him.”

“Uh-huh”

“And you don’t even think you’re friends with him.”

“Pretty much..”

There was a loud silence after that. Iwaizumi just stared at his shoes for a while before looking back up at Oikawa.

"Do you like this guy? Like, genuinely like this guy?" Iwaizumi questioned.

"I-I mean yeah. He's going through a lot and I didn't know. It was so obvious when I thought about it but I turned a blind eye." Toru looked down as he spoke, a blanket of guilt coming over him.

He soon looked back up at his friend, seeing him with a small grin.

"Toru, you're so stupid."

_Gee, thanks._

"You should get to know the guy before anything. Maybe write him a note or record something for him."

That didn't sound too bad to Oikawa. If he couldn't speak to Suga face to face he would write down his feelings. He could write any day of the week anyway. How hard could it be?

Iwaizumi sighed and looked back down at his work. "Now finish your work Loserkawa."

"Stop Calling me that-"

"Oikawa." The teacher gruffly said.

Toru blushed in embarrassment and went back to doing his work.

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"I'm not hungry…"

The nurse formed a soft expression and touched Sugawara's hand and he flinched, bringing it to his chest.

"Mm..okay. I'll let you rest." The nurse responded.

Two weeks in this hospital and Suga was already sick of simply the smell. He was alone and bored just laying in bed all day and having the same food. He felt stuck.

He took out his phone and went through his photo gallery, seeing all the pictures with his team and family. He had none of him and Oikawa. Of course I don't. I've spoken to everyone else but Toru since I last saw him.

"You have a visitor." The nurse said as she poked her head into the doorway.

 _Toru?_ Asahi walked in. _Oh…_

"Hey Suga. I was just visiting-..." Asahi's sentence trailed off once he saw Sugawara's expression. It was a mix of disappointment and frustration.

"Am I bothering you? I can always come back another time.." Asahi pondered.

"No." Suga would respond. "I'm fine, you can come in."

Asahi pulled a chair next to Koshi's bed and sat next to him.

"What's in the bag?" Suga pointed to the one in Asahi's lap.

"Just a small snack. It's your favorite, Mapo Tofu!" He took out a food carton and put it on the table of the hospital bed.

Suga smiled a little and opened it, smelling the savoury aroma coming from the plate of food. "Thank you!" He took the chopsticks that Asahi had handed to him and dug in.

"It was a long wait in line but it was worth it."

Suga finished a bite of his food and he looked at Asahi.

"There's a boy I want to be friends with."

Asahi looked at Suga and raised his eyebrow with a small grin on his face. "Oh really? That should be easy for you."

"It isn't… I know I called him a friend before but he didn't really acknowledge it. I don't know if the feeling is mutual." He took another bite of his food.

"I'm not really the best person to ask about this subject. But I would just suggest writing your feelings out. That's what I would do if I couldn't talk to someone." Asahi softly said.

"A letter is something I have in mind...do you think he would like it?"

"Anything that's made by you is always something that anyone would like." Asahi chuckled and got up from his chair.

"I would love to stay but I've got to head to practice. I'll tell the team you said hi!" He waved before leaving the room.

A letter….what do I even put in a letter… Suga thought to himself.

He took the paper he was previously writing on from the nightstand and pondered over it.

Was Oikawa worth fussing over? Maybe…

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	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter but it took me a couple hours to get done. This is probably one of the most significant to the coming ending.

Sugawara heard a knock on the door. He perked up like a puppy dog and put away his paper, looking at the door. “Come in!”

Then walked in Toru who was dressed in basic red and black striped pajamas with a pair of black boots and his backpack. “You’re dressed comfy.” Suga said as he sat up and had his eyes sparkle in joy. 

Oikawa then put his hand out for Suga, his slender fingers reaching out for him. Sugawara then tilted his head to the side, raising his eyebrow in slight confusion. “What...what are you doing..?” He said as he hesitantly took Oikawa’s hand. “We’re going to my house. I asked the doctor if you could go out and they said it was fine.” He soon responded. 

Sugawara soon bit his lip, twisting his foot on the floor profusely. “I...but..” 

“Scared Koshi-kun? Don’t worry my house is safe.” Toru teased. 

“Mmn...very funny Toru.” 

“It is! Now come on, you already have sweats on and I bought you an oversized sweater for you to be comfortable in Koshi-kun!” 

Oikawa unzipped his backpack as Sugawara stood up and took out the striped black and green oversized sweater. The silver-haired boy had a wide smile and grabbed the piece of clothing from him before he ushered into the bathroom. 

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Sooner than later Toru led Suga to his front door, fumbling to get his keys. There were leaves of many colors around them and Sugawara picked up an orange colored leaf, grinning as he put it in his pocket. Toru got the door open and held it open for Koshi to come in.

The warmth of the already lit fireplace immediately hit Suga’s soft skin almost as if he had walked into another life. His eyes wandered the walls of the house and the Autumn themed decor. He took his shoes off and placed them at the rack before fully walking in and noticing the fairy lights above the fireplace. 

“I never knew your family was this...this-...”

“Embellishing?” Oikawa said, finishing his sentence. 

Koshi turned to him and nodded with a wider grin and his hair bouncing up and down. He was in utter and complete awe as he admired his taste. 

Still in shock, he felt a warm and soft hand take his own and pull it. “Let’s sit in front of the fire.” Toru said with a soft smile. They both made their way and sat down on the floor. Suga with his legs swooped beside him and Oikawa with his folded. 

Oikawa looked at Sugawara for a while, admiring the orange glow of the fire on his face and how it made his silver hair shine. His hazel-brown eyes glimmering in the light and his bottom lip tucked under his teeth. He looked- No. He was beautiful. 

"Koshi-kun." Oikawa would say in a hushed tone. 

Sugawara turned his head to face him and untucked his bottom lip. "Yes?" 

"Do you have anything you like to do in your spare time…?" Oikawa questioned. 

Sugawara thought for a while and looked down. "I have a scrap book that I keep things in…. Memories…" 

"Memories?" 

"Of my friends and family and things that are important to me. I created it when I was first diagnosed with...well...you know. So I could cherish all of the things I love." Koshi looked back up at Oikawa with a slight blush on his cheeks. "I believe that when you die, you take what's most important to you into the afterlife. And I want to take that." 

This was news to Oikawa. He doesn't remember the last time Sugawara ever talked like this to him. In fact, he may have never talked to him like this. Words rolled off his tongue so easily that it was like it was natural to him. Toru wished he could be like that. 

"Can I...be something you remember…?" He asked.

Suga put his frail hand over Oikawa's, nodding. "Always. Always and forever." 

Oikawa smiled and reached into a nearby drawer, taking out a camera. "I want to remember this moment." 

Koshi nodded in approval and leaned on Oikawa's shoulder as he got ready for the picture. Toru turned the camera towards the both of them and leaned his head on Suga's, both of them having small and content smiles. 

"Say…. Don't say anything...don't ruin this moment." And Oikawa made sure that he didn't. 

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That night Sugawara slept over at Oikawa’s house. He decided to sleep on the couch since he didn’t want to intrude on Oikawa's privacy, but Oikawa just ended up sleeping right in front of him. 

When Suga woke up he looked down at Oikawa who was sleeping peacefully. He softly chuckled and got up, making sure to carefully step over the sleeping body. He walked around until he found the bathroom and went inside deep into thought. 

After using the bathroom he was washing his hands and then looked at his pale face in the mirror. His cold and frail hand rested on his cheek. He began to sniffle. Then, tears came rushing down his cheeks. He covered his face in self-pity and embarrassment. “I’m...so...helpless…” He choked. 

Sobs echoed in the bathroom as the once bubbly boy attempted to wipe his tears. The knob rattled and the door opened, presenting Oikawa. A word wasn’t shared and Toru immediately had Koshi in his embrace. He cradled him and massaged his head, letting Koshi sob into his chest. They had chemistry. Yet Toru always denied it.


	4. Chapter 4 - Thank you Mr. Refreshing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may make my chapters shorter so the fanfiction will last longer. Also thank you for 63 Hits!

“How are you feeling Koshi-kun…?” Toru asked with a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. 

Koshi was laying on the ground, his knees up to his chest and a soft blanket to cover him. He looked sicker than usual as a result of the crying session he just had. 

“Fine...I’m..fine…” Koshi said in a hushed tone. 

The room soon filled up with silence, Oikawa was sipping on his drink and lost in thought as always. 

Sugawara soon got up to sit on his knees, running his fingers through his hair. “Hey…. You should lay back down, you honestly don’t look too good…” Toru said with a volume of concern in his voice.

Suga shook his head and looked up at Oikawa, having a peaceful smile. “I want to go for a walk. I need fresh air…” Oikawa sighed and got up off the couch, putting his cup down on the nearby coffee table.

“Fine, but let me get you a hat.” He said leaving the room after. 

Coming back from his room with a black beanie, Oikawa put it over Suga’s messy hair. “Now Come on Mr. Refreshing. You need your sunlight.” Oikawa spoke mockingly.    
  


Sugawara rolled his eyes and stood up, wiping his leftover tears as Oikawa grabbed his bag and headed to the front door with him. 

He opened it and made a dainty hand gesture for Suga to step out. “Ladies first.” His gesture was followed by a chuckle from Suga as he stepped out the door. They were both looking forward to their time out together. 

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Perfect. The park was practically empty. It would be a great space for Sugawara and Oikawa to just sit and talk. 

They sat down on a bench together, surrounded by a pallet of leaves. Leaves were something Sugawara heavily admired with all his heart. In Autumn, leaves had their own rainbow of colors. It was all so beautiful and unique in Suga’s eyes. 

“Are you warm enough?” Oikawa asked with his jacket around him. 

“Yeah. This sweater satisfies me..” Sugawara responded. 

His response was followed by his usual bright smile. Something Oikawa adored. 

“I’ve been having trouble talking to you Koshi-kun..” Toru said.    
  


“I know...I could tell…” 

“It’s just...we don’t know each other that well and-”   
  


“Stop talking.” Suga interrupted. 

Oikawa instantly fell silent and cleared his throat.  _ Did I say something wrong?  _

“We...may not know much about each other but...just know that I’m so..so lucky to have you. You know exactly what to say and what to do when I’m not at my best. Your hugs are so comforting and your soft voice makes me feel safe and comfortable.” Sugawara looked up at Oikawa. “If you don’t think of me as a friend that’s fine but...I think of you as one.. A great one..” 

Toru’s heart beated rapidly. Each heartbeat louder than the last. Sweat started to form in his palms.  _ Wow… _

  
Before Oikawa knew it, he was wrapped into a hug from Suga. He looked down at him and chuckled, wrapping his arms around him and running his soft and slender fingers through Koshi’s hair and his mouth right near his ear. “ _ Thank you Mr. Refreshing.. _ ” He whispered “ _ Thank you for giving me a chance to make you feel this way.. _ ”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This girl may be a problem...   
> Also sorry that this chapter will be a little short, I wanted to have a chapter out on Christmas!

The whole week Oikawa’s head was full of just Sugawara. He constantly repeated the same words over and over in his head.  _ If you don’t think of me as a friend that’s fine but...I think of you as one.. A great one..  _

Those words meant the world to him. Sugawara meant the world to him and- 

"Oikawaaaa! Baaaaby!" 

A female voice spoke out to him and he turned his head.  _ Oh, it was his girlfriend.  _

The brunette hugged Oikawa and then kissed his cheek, giggling as she did so. "So~ Oikawa baby...what have you been up to?" 

"Oh um- Nothing much...really.." He responded. 

"Wha- Hey...where's my kiss? And why didn't you give me your regular sassy response…?" She pouted and poked his cheek. 

"Sorry- I just have...a lot on my mind honey…" He only had  _ Sugawara  _ on his mind. "Oh really? Then you can tell me!" 

Oikawa met his girlfriend a couple of months ago. She wasn't a fangirl but she was surprisingly humble.  _ At least that's what she introduced herself as.  _ She would eat lunch with Oikawa and tell him about her day. Oikawa did the same. Eventually she confessed and sealed it with a kiss. Oikawa then formed her smirk on his face and kissed her again, only having  _ her  _ on his mind. 

"I'm just stressed about school. That's all...nothing more…" He gave her a small smile and kissed the top of her forehead. "Really? I can help you study. We can make it a date!! Aobayama Park as always!" She would exclaim. 

"Haru-chan I really ca-" 

"It's a date then! I'll see you soon Oikawa baby~" She giggled again and skipped down the hallway, not having a care in the world. 

_ But...I'm supposed to meet with Koshi today... _


	6. Chapter 6 - I'll miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update. I had to take a break for the holidays so I hope this makes up for it!

Being dragged by Haru was not the plan Oikawa had for the day.

They went to a couple stores, bought a few clothes, and had dinner together. You know, couples stuff. They laughed and joked as they had a genuine good time. Their day ended with sitting in Aobayama Park. The place where they first met. 

"It scared the crap out of me!" Haru said with a smile. 

"You should pay more attention to your surrounding Haru-chan." Oikawa responded as he chuckled. 

"Yeah yeah.." Haru poked his cheek and laid her head on his lap. "What are you doing for college Oikawa?" 

"Volleyball." 

"You answered pretty quickly…" 

"I just...have my mind set on Volleyball. It's something I love and that I've worked hard on." He leaned back on the bench with a content smile. He was sure that Volleyball was what he wanted to do. 

"Oh...well...I'm going to miss you when you're away." Haru's eyes looked at the ground as a small sigh came from her. 

_Haru was a 2nd year._

It had completely gone over Oikawa's head. _He wouldn't be with her for a whole year._

"I'm going to miss you too Haru-chan…" Oikawa muttered with his eyes set on her. 

Oikawa truly loved Haru. Her short hair. Her glowing eyes. As well as her kindness. She was his everything. But with the constant visits to Sugawara and college right around the corner, he hadn't been with her much. 

He felt guilty. Which is the reason why he came out with her today. To show his deep appreciation for her. 

"What are you thinking about?" Haru questioned. 

"Huh?" Oikawa would say while bringing himself back to reality. "How do you know I'm thinking?" 

"You stay quiet when you're focused. You make sure to analyze everything and I doubt you're analyzing the trees." Haru jokes to lighten up the mood. 

"I'm sorry- A lot is on my mind." Oikawa couldn't tell Haru about Suga. He feared that she would worry even more about their relationship. _Oikawa and Sugawara were already having their own troubles_. 

"You can talk to me you know…" She offered. 

"No it's fine. College is just on my mind. As well as school." 

She gave him a soft smile and sat up next to him, running her hand through his soft brown hair and leading it to his pale cheek. 

"I love you…" She then leaned in towards him, locking their lips together and caressing his cheek with care. Oikawa responded by putting his rosy and slender fingers underneath her chin. 

Having their lips in unison, they locked their free hands together and admired each other knowing that this moment was full of love and care. 

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Suga let the cold wind play with his bangs as he layed on the bench. The feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction came over him. He had to deal with it though since the world didn't revolve around him. 

A single thought came to his mind. _What controls the universe?_

Was it God? Was it gods? Or maybe everything just happens by fate. Maybe the earth just reacts to the acts of mankind. Whatever controlled the universe he knew it hated him. 

And he hated it too. 

It was unfair and unjust. All it did was put him through hell. It gave him this disease that he is now trapped with. It gave the diseases full control over his body. 

He didn't care anymore. It was a full circle. 

He got up off the bench he was laying on, passing the couple on the next bench over who were eating each other alive. 

After a couple of steps forward he looked at the couple in slight spite. 

_So this is why Oikawa ditched me huh?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update again! School has been getting the best of me

Oikawa had gone out to visit Suga again 2 days after his date with Haru. 

It was quiet. Too quiet for Oikawa's liking. There was tension in the air between him and Suga. Oikawa had entered the room with his same old greeting. 

"Hey Mr.Refreshing!" 

All Suga responded with was a simple "Hi.". 

Oikawa was oblivious to any reasons Suga would be upset at him. He had brought a Choco Banana for them to share but Suga didn't even turn around to look at him. Not even a glance! 

A pit in Toru's stomach had soon come along and it wasn't good. Was Suga upset with him? Why? He hadn't done anything to harm him? He wished that he could visit him more but he also had school and the volleyball club. 

"Hey Su-" 

"You ditched me just to swap spit with some girl?" Suga spat. 

Oh...that's why he was pissed…

"It was a mistake okay? I got caught up in the day and I wanted to do something with my girlfriend…" Toru defended, eyes glued to the ground. 

Suga then looked back at Oikawa. "Girl...friend…?" 

"Yeah...I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier." A nervous chuckle came from Oikawa as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Suga couldn't describe what he was feeling. Was he angry? No… Yet hearing the words 'Oikawa' and 'Girlfriend' somehow..hurt… 

The world didn't revolve around Suga. Being able to control and dictate everyone and everything was out of the question. Toru Oikawa was a busy person. He's popular, he has a girlfriend, he's captain of the Volleyball team, and he has other friends. 

Staying over with a sick boy wasn't a part of his normal schedule. Sugawara was something that he had to cram in. Sugawara was the one who messed up his schedule. That's what Suga thought at least. 

"Nevermind...it's my fault. I'm sorry for being in your business." Koshi chuckled and sat up. 

"It's fine you're not at fault…" Oikawa responded. 

The room fell silent and the tension in the air remained. Not even 5 minutes later Oikawa announced that he had to leave for Volleyball practice. Something that Sugawara was unable to go to in his current state. They both said their goodbyes and Suga laid on his side, contemplating his relationship with Oikawa. 

_ Toru Oikawa….doesn't belong to me. _

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The symptoms were getting worse.

Suga couldn't sleep at night. He could barely breathe half the time and his chest felt heavy. The bags that were under his eyes increased drastically. He didn't get out of bed and he couldn't stomach anything. 

The weird crackling sound that came from his throat when he talked remained. Which was the result of a constant sore throat. Last but definitely not least, the coughing  **never** stopped. 

Sugawara found comfort in completing his scrapbook. Writing was his favorite part since it seemed as if his fancy letters danced across the lines of the paper. He added more photos and leaves to it a couple days earlier. This was something he adored. 

From time to time he would throw his hands up in the air to pretend as if he was in a game. It made him chuckle but mainly sad. It was almost as if the hospital bed was the only thing he knew these days. 

Just as words rolled off Suga's tongue with ease, words came about his paper in no time. His letter to Oikawa had to be heartfelt and meaningful for when he passed away. 

Sugawara stopped taking his medication altogether. He figured that they just didn't help him anymore, if not made him sicker. 

The thing is, he had accepted his fate. He didn't want to slow down the process of him dying because it felt useless. Everything happens for a reason but….Suga didn't know his reason for all this suffering. 

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_ Knock! Knock! Knock!  _

Sugawara perked up and pinned his attention to the door. "Come in!" 

Then walked in Hinata and Kageyama.  _ Now that was a surprise.  _

Hinata rushed to Sugawara's side, a look of concern flooded his face. "Suga! Are you ok?! Daichi told us what happened!" 

"Uh..yeah…" Kageyama confirmed. 

"Oh yeah...just a little worn out, that's all!" Suga smiled but it wasn't his normal wide and bright smile. Smiling wasn't a normal activity for Suga anymore. 

"I hope you can come back to Volleyball soon! We really need you! Our practice matches and official games have been a bit tough without you!" Hinata beckoned.

Kageyama walked to Suga's bed and he cleared his throat. "Um..thank you for..being a great setter.. As well as a great role model!" He shifted his upper body forward. 

Sugawara looked down at Kageyama, keeping his grin. "Anytime…" 

Hinata latched onto Kageyama's arm and pulled him back towards the door. "I'm sorry Sugawara- W-We have to get to practice soon!" Hinata bargained. 

Sugawara waved, his eyes following them out. Once they were out of his sight he dropped his smile and leaned back on his soft pillows. There was a specific one he kept at the edge of his bed. It had the word "Love" on it. Asahi and Daichi came to visit him once and presented that to him as a gift. 

"Love doesn't exist." Suga coldly said.


	8. Weeks have passed...and your not here...

A few weeks strolled by and they weren’t exactly good for Suga. Oikawa visited twice during this time. Each time was for about 2 or 3 hours. Oikawa was on his phone for most of the time anyway so Suga felt as if he never visited. He was probably talking to his girlfriend Suga figured. 

Sugawara had come down with a high fever after the weeks past. His eye bags were the worst they had been since he was first diagnosed. The hospital had to support him with oxygen since his breathing had gotten drastically worse. He was sleeping more often since he had little to no energy most of the time. 

Sugawara could barely talk since it strained his throat. So he never did. 

His teammates would visit him almost every week. That was something Koshi looked forward to. No matter what happened, his teammates were always there. They occasionally bought him his favorite food and snacks which thrilled him. He loved those guys. 

A knock had interrupted Suga’s slumber and he looked at the doorway. There stood Kageyama. He would soon be a second year… 


	9. You'll get better soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end of chapter for notes.

“Suga- I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you. I just wanted to visit you before I head to after school practice.” Kageyama greeted. 

Suga invited him in with an assuring nod, laying back down on his side. The black haired boy sat down in the chair next to the old bed that Suga was assigned to. Suga reached for the mask on the edge of the bed but another steady hand had stopped him. 

“You don’t have to put it on.” Kageyama assured. 

Sugawara opened his mouth to speak but soon closed it, not wanting to do any more damage to his throat. He pulled his hand back and placed it under his messy hair. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. It sounded like a sick crackling and popping noise once he did. 

“I..can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” Kageyama started. “You haven’t been to school for a few months now and you must be sick of this disgusting hospital.” 

Sugawara nodded in agreement. It didn’t help when his Mom came and had to step away into the bathroom just to scream on a call with his absent father. Not to mention the distance between him and Oikawa. It truly sucked. Suga didn’t complain though. It wasn’t like he could.    
  


“I really hope you get better Sugawara. It’ll get better, I know it will. Soon you’ll be able to be back on the court and setting again in no time!” Kageyama motioned a set in the air as he tried to make light of this dreadful situation. Koshi chuckled a bit. Part of the reason was because of Kageyama’s dorkiness. The other reason was because he knew that there would be no time for him to get back on the court. 

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“Lazykawa, what the hell are you doing?!” Iwaizumi yelled. 

Oikawa was on his phone taking a selfie of course. He had a long day at practice so he decided it was time to unwind. “Taking a photo Iwa! What else would I be doing?’ 

“Maybe you should focus on getting home on time instead of strolling on the street.” Iwa grumbled. 

“Well I’m sorry, Mom!” Oikawa shoved his phone in his pocket as he mumbled to himself soon after. “You know what Iwa. I think I’ll skip practice just to piss you off! I deserve the break anyway!” 

“I wouldn’t even be upset! And you do deserve the break! You’ve been working non-stop after our game with Karasuno.” Iwa bargained. 

“That’s only because-” Oikawa was interrupted by a shove to his shoulder. “Oh I’m sorry-” Oikawa apologized before turning to see a short orange haired figure. 

“Watch where you’re going tall man!” Hinata jumped up with a slight scowl. 

“Not my fault you're so short.” Oikawa replied. 

“Yeah, yeah! Oh- Now that I’ve bumped into you this is for you.” Hinata handed a folded piece of paper to Oikawa. “Don’t open it until you get home.” 

  
Oikawa took the paper and raised his eyebrow.  _ From: Your Mr. Refreshing.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know these have been 2 pretty short chapters but don't worry! I have a long one coming in 2 weeks! On that not I would like to thank you guys for all the reads and Kudos! I really appreciate it! Please share my fanfic as much as you would like! I haven't had much motivation lately but I'm pushing through! Again, thank you for everything.


	10. Chapter 10 His Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being away so long. In order to put out something I'm giving you a mini chapter from the long chapter I am in the process of writing

Again, Oikawa hasn’t seen Sugawara in a while and now he randomly gets a letter and Hinata just happens to be going the same direction as him? What a wild coincidence Oikawa thought. 

“Who is it from Toru?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“The guy I told you about a while back.” Oikawa responded. 

“Ah...well I should get home. My mom will throw a fit if I’m late.” Iwaizumi waved as he crossed the street. “See ya Lazy-kawa!” 

Oikawa waved back and looked down at the letter again. Not another second went by before Oikawa started to run down the street. His heart seemed to have stopped as he thought about all the things the letter could say. 

_ What if he’s dead?  _

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Taking off his shoes once he got inside of the house, Toru raced to his bedroom and laid down on his bed as he took off his jacket. He carefully opened the letter with his shaky hands, his heart heavy. 

_ Hi Oikawa :)  _

_ I’m still alive. I’m hanging in there as long as I can! I have been able to sleep more often. It gets harder to breathe as the days go by but I can handle it. Kinda feels like brick walls are pushing against my chest. But enough about me! How are you doing?! I hope all is well with you and your girlfriend. You’re graduating soon and I’m proud of you Toru, I really am. You’ve come so far and I still see you on TV. You look so stupid. So very stupid. Anyways, I just wanted to see if you were alright. You can call me anytime you want. My number is ***. See you later Toru. _


End file.
